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Screentime

by Addie Pray

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1.
Email 02:33
You had the worst of me then You’re crumbling at my feet when I spill my clumsy feelings All over Peter’s sheets and it Didn’t stick I don’t think you’re a dick now Thoughts compiled If it’s depression or your smile I guess I’ll take ya either way I’ve been thinking about leaving How people fall asleep when They turn on their tvs and You choked when you had me but We both tried Did you think I would die? Heard you when So much older then You were younger than I am now I talk to you through email I tell you every detail It’s not that I am lonely I guess it’s like you told me We both tried It’s never the right time We could be happy Or who we used to be I guess I’ll take ya either way
2.
Watch TV 03:05
I could eat with you all day I feel empty when you drive away I'm running out of things to do Things to keep myself from missing you So I'll go out and find a job I'd rather not be where you're not Won't you take care of me? I'll let you watch me while I sleep And I know love is never easy I love my dad but he stopped calling me I know it sometimes helps to talk I'd see my therapist but she blew me off So I'll just wait a little while Till I stop acting like a child Do you wanna visit me? I'll let you watch me brush my teeth When you wake up you look at me And I see things as how they used to be And how you're different than before But I don't think about that anymore And you just think I'm acting strange Cuz we're both scared of how things change Will you still take care of me? We can stay home and watch tv
3.
Hail Mary 02:21
Hail Mary, I left the bathroom light on again Head’s aching, I pulled the shade down from the window I ask you a million questions you won’t answer You caught me, I only love you when I wanna And I ascend at night when I am watching tv Comprehend the messages you’re sending to me To make some friends Well I did but I fucked up again You hang around my neck while I am sleeping Blood brothers I concentrate on how you see me Bruised up with a thirteen-year-old’s reservations I grew up and now they’re saying that you hate me And I deny the lightness and the ties that bind us You’re a giant whose whole life was always decided By a man who says my mama’s going to hell
4.
Heartburn 01:50
I’ve got bad heartburn You pick my ashes off of the ground Read my last wishes I have you spread them all over town I didn’t mean them Those things that I told you when I was down I knock on your window To tell you I’m sorry but you’re not around And when my heartburns, it burns yours right down I can’t stop crying I make everybody uncomfortable I cry you a puddle To make you step over and make you feel cold I couldn’t help it You tell me I’m selfish, I already know So I wouldn’t blame you It’s alright if you want me to go And when my heartburns, it burns yours right down
5.
Scabs 03:17
You’re one to talk now Picking the tops off all the flowers that you Found when you got honest Painful and glowing like an omen, oh man I’m getting restless Picking the scab before it’s ready and I’ll Keep it in my pocket I can’t bear to part with it, it’s part of me and You and I tried I’m not right but I’m working up to it Paint me a different Shade of this longing to be someone else who Thinks less of people Leaving the plans they make, the skin they break Behind in the backs of their minds
6.
When things aren’t lining up: I missed the middle. I’m sorry I fell asleep on your chest and missed the middle. Am I scaring you? Am I crushing you?
7.
Perspective 03:16
Creep around the internet And you’ll write my name on a cassette Watch me, I can pay attention too Leaving never meant a thing to you Now you’re standing in my bathroom I tried but I couldn’t move Didn’t leave the house today Cuz we accidentally slept all day Teeth are shifting backwards, eyes aren’t what they used to be You can spell it out but I can’t read a goddamn thing And you were standing close to me I tried but I couldn’t speak So you’ll go to where it’s warmer It won’t mean anything Can you tell now When I’m not listening? I wanted you to grab a hold of me Crying on the plane cuz you can’t remember who you are Put it in perspective, Thailand isn’t all that far
8.
Stay Inside 03:13
Take the heart the empty space The plans we broke after we made The house is in a different shape And I can’t figure out why you didn’t wait Remember all the time that flew When you got tired, I carried you Then we got so much older How I made you stay inside and wait around Cuz I thought we had time And then the snow starts coming down The last day of October Found out why I kept on coming home You were never one to tell me so And now I’m calling home again To check in on the body count Remember all the closed up doors Your face the day we threw you out Cuz I thought we had time You were doing fine I thought we had time
9.
You ask me how I’m doing now That I’ve got nothing figured out can we make up for all this time When nothing’s changed except our lives? And I realize This is real life And I can’t wait for you all And I’ve got lots of things to do But I don’t wanna leave my room And I’m not getting enough rest Cuz I can’t stop watching Top Chef And I’ve got Enough time But I can’t make myself move And I think our two names sound good In any order, as they should And on the coldest days I’ve found Something that’s warm when you’re around And it’s been A long time And I hope you get out soon too
10.
Spent 01:57
I’ve been driving for hours I guess that’s how it goes Thought I was getting better But lately I don’t know Taking the weekend for granted I fall asleep in your lap on the drive home Found you on a different planet I’ll drive until I find my way back home My car’s covered in pollen Everyone’s passing me I’m sick from feeling small and You kiss the back of my knee Forty minutes on the parkway Three hours four tolls apart Walking down your street at nighttime I think you can see in the dark I’m sick of hitting traffic I’m sick of paying for gas I’m tired and my butt hurts I think you’d say I’m spent
11.
After All 03:45
It’s not too late, I know why you are calling I can take it now and walk home without falling And put my head down like I’ve had too much screentime Will you forgive yourself for putting everybody on edge? In the mail I receive a box of flowers So I can watch them die and dry up in the winter And just the same I will shove you in the corner So I can keep you there and look at you whenever I want And I’m trying to let myself be happy But I keep picturing all of my friends dying You can tell me you’ll see me in the morning And I’ll believe you but it doesn’t make it feel less bad And all the dirt in the backyard, the leaves that fall and cover you And the water that’s lapping beneath you as you fall asleep And the back porch where they found you outside yourself I’m wondering And I don’t know but the pope says that all dogs go to heaven after all
12.
I’m standing at my front door tryna fit the key into the lock in the dark And I’m not getting any closer Not getting any closer to figuring out what went wrong I’m stuck in my head. You wore different socks today, it’s the one thing I thought would never change And if you’re not sleeping over If you’re not sleeping over then nothing really stays the same I’m stuck in my head. And I’m coming around but I’ve always been a little bit slower than everyone else And am I getting any closer? Not getting any closer to figuring out why you’re sad I’m stuck in my head Was it something I said? I won’t say it again.

about

Order the cassette from Father/Daughter Records:
fatherdaughterrecords.bandcamp.com/album/screentime

Screentime is about waiting and learning how to feel like you deserve to be happy.

For Maddie, Pinky, Queenie, and Princess ♥

Jack Washburn played drums on “Watch TV,” “Heartburn,” and “After All,” produced beats on “Perspective,” and sang on “When Things Aren't Lining Up.”

Thank you Jack, Jessi, and mom and dad!

credits

released November 27, 2015

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Addie Pray Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Addie Pray is Carmen Perry.
carmengperry@gmail.com

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