So Long

by Addie Pray

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Drums by Aidan Feliciano

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released August 1, 2013

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about

Addie Pray Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Addie Pray is Carmen Perry.
carmengperry@gmail.com

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Track Name: Baby Steps
You make me want to crawl all the way into the back of your chest and stay, wrap all my limbs around your heart
You leave me standing on two legs, bad dreams and not enough to say, tired of always acting smart
Wake me up when you’re ready to go
Maybe things will be better tomorrow

Do everything we can for now, give into solemnest of vows, all makes it hurt more when it ends
Now you don’t have a thing to do, and everything I have is wrapped in you, so far from everything I’ve spent
Letting go like I never could do
Guess I was afraid of needing you

With every stupid thing I say, do you think you’ll love me anyway?
I don’t know how all this time flew, it’s simple now but I still miss you
Now that everything is changing, I’ll shrink right back down into nothing
So won’t you tell me what you mean to, and I can tell you how I’ve loved you
Track Name: Wishful Thinking
You get undressed, red sweater vest sits on my floor till you return
And people are never how I think they are, but I still haven’t learned
And I’ve tried to stop drinking
This is wishful thinking

And I’m getting comfortable again after all this time apart from you
That’s not to say that I’m not mad, I just get so tired of missing you
And everyone’s excited
But I don’t think I like it

And I write you letters all the time, but I will never send them to you
So I’m sorry I’m not saying much, I just don’t know what else you want me to do
Bleary eyed and blinking
This is wishful thinking
Track Name: Drunken Politics
Familiar beds and unswept floors, I’ll sit and think and drink to you
And I’ll wonder what it’s like by you, all the trees have fallen down here
And they’re scattered around this whole town

Tiny flies remind you how time flies, and you forget that people change
And you think you’ll see them in the streets when you look out your window
I don’t think it’s all that different this time

And these silly things I like to dwell on, I’ll fall asleep to dreams of you
Drunken politics and sad songs I know you’ve been listening to
And your shoes remind me of the winter

When I said,
“Here is the church, and here is the steeple, we sure are cute for two lonely people
If you want me to stay cuz you think that I’m pretty, then I’ll take the last train home from the city”
And
“You’re too funny to be hanging out with me
I’d like to help you pass your time, but I’m not sure I can change my mind
Maybe in a year or two we’ll all move away, and I’ll never think of you
Or at least I’ll never, ever have to”

And in my mind you always stay, and we always wake up early
You help me forget all the ways I always push people away
I always push people away
Track Name: So Long
I’m looking out my window as you walk away
Forget myself, I always watch you when you leave
The sunlight stings our indoor skin, first sign of spring
And I’m tired too, I don’t know much but, yeah, I love you

It won’t be long now.

And it’s clearing up, nostalgia fades like leaves on trees
And these days are numbered, so so long for what feels like so long

It won’t be long now.
Track Name: Lie To Me
The shape of affection on unsteady hands
The oblivious man that you call yourself
Well I’ve been awaiting a shadow of doubt
From your wide open mouth and the space that you maintain now

Sleepless in the bed which you lie
Missing you in June and July
Apology I wait to hear
Then I’ll be waiting here all year
Growing shorter days fly by
But I won’t let you see me cry
Hours upon hours spent
Can’t rely on compliments anymore

So lie to me, lie to me, I don’t mind
Cuz it’s nothing, no nothing that I haven’t heard before
Take what you can from me, I’m already empty
And I dare you to try and break my heart a little more
Track Name: Long Day
Sit in the dark cuz cold shoulders feel better
But I’ll try to stop; it’s too warm for a sweater
And you, you keep quiet
I’ll freak out, and try to hide it
Nothing to do, so I cut all my hair off
Never tell you anything that I’m scared of
You’ll wait for me to find
Our choices intertwined

I’m sorry, it’s just that I haven’t slept in days
But I’ll be better tomorrow, I’ll be okay
But if I’m still here and you’re not talking, I guess it’s just the same
Long day

Conscious decision to kick these old habits
Crawl back to you when I know that you’ve had it
Become what you became
I always stay the same

It’s just that maybe, lately, I can’t seem to find
The piece of me I must have left behind
So if it’s still there, and I’m not talking, I guess it’s just the same
Long day

Write me a letter about things that I’ve done
You knew this was over before it begun
I can’t do this anymore
You’re better off when you’re with her

I’m sorry, I just haven’t left my head in weeks
But by tomorrow I’ll be good enough to speak
But if you’re not here, and we’re not talking, I guess it’s just the same
Long day
Track Name: August
Dying, I’m dying, I’m dying to tell you
That I have been feeling this noxious for years
Holding my face in your hands, I am swelling
Fighting back honesty through misplaced fears

Oh, my lungs collapsed
Oh, my hands how they were hidden
Lost my senses in the grass
In August, makes your skin so sticky

Trying, I’m trying, I try to get past this
I’ll tell everyone that it isn’t your fault
We all find solace in things that we’ve buried
Shrouded in dissonance, veiled by default

Oh, my lungs collapsed
Oh, by morning it was broken
Left my thoughts back in the past
In August, makes your heart hang heavy

Perfectly past tense of passive aggressive
Try to extract what I know isn’t there
And you say I’m heedless, I know I’m distracted
It’s just that everyone seems to be leaving these days

Oh, and these plans collapse
Oh, my good intentions falter
Scars that form on my kneecaps
In August, the remnants go unspoken

Dying, I’m dying, I’m dying to tell you
Track Name: Nowhere To Be
Spend an afternoon on freaking out or staring at a screen
Something dull to cut my teeth on
I try to tell you I’ve been dying here, but I can’t put it into words
You’re not listening to me

Nowhere to be and I wish you could see me now
I’ve got time
You’re always on my mind

So what if it’s not working, I’m a jerk, and you’re just hanging out?
We aren’t getting any younger
And now that my head’s aching, crying’s taken all my pride away
If I listen close I’ll hear you breathe

Nowhere to be and I wish you could see me now
I’ve got time
You’re always on my mind
Seventeen didn’t mean a thing to me
I had time
You’re always on my mind
Track Name: Right Down To Your Bones
Peeling the scab off of what you left behind
Next to guilt I will rot in the back of your mind
Give up and move on, I’ll write you pretty songs
Such a long time, you know I’ve been here all along

Taking a breath at the top of a mountain
Forgetting the days I’d so eagerly counted
Feeling your heart beat from under your chest bone
Letting you know I can do this alone

Follow the patterns of all that you know
If I hate you it’s easier to let you go
Make a decision, fall down on the floor
I’ve been waiting for nothing, but I won’t anymore

Taking a breath at the top of a mountain
Forgetting the days I’d so eagerly counted
Feeling your heart beat from under your chest bone
Letting you know I can do this alone

Unmade beds we used to count on
Did I help you pass the time?
Clear away the smoke from last year
It’s a long way down from here

Taking a breath at the top of a mountain
Forgetting the days I’d so eagerly counted
I honestly loved you right down to your bones
Now I’m letting you know I can do this alone
Track Name: So Scared
Bury me under snowfall
The first one of the year
I thought by now you’d be here
Brand new winter coat
The first time that I wrote
I said I felt like I was living in a snow globe

An unfamiliar set of veins
Pulse without complaint
I wake up feeling happy
But there’s a voice in my head
That’s ruining everything
It says once this bruise grows out, so will you

And I’m watching my breath as it leaks out of my chest
I’m never letting go, I’ll never know you now
But I could try

An unfamiliar set of veins
Warm against the rain
Keeping you alive
And when you sleep at night I feel
Like these old scars could heal
I don’t have to be so scared