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Words

by Addie Pray

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1.
Winter turns to spring and I get tired But I never wanted to fall asleep on you Night turns into day and I lie awake Anticipation and vain determination I’ve been waiting for you for far too long And every time you go I feel a pain You walk out that door, leave my heart on the floor And it feels like this is happening the same I can’t speak for myself when the words feel like hell because I’ve been waiting for you for far too long And I’m always wishing you good luck when you’re gone And I keep trying to fit in with you where I don’t belong And I have dreams of how I wish you were You put your arm around me and tell me that you’re happy So until then I won’t tell you what’s wrong I’ll be fine tomorrow but for tonight please don’t go I’ve been waiting for you for far too long And I’m always wishing you good luck when you’re gone And I keep trying to fit in with you where I don’t belong My heart’s sinking, you’ve been drinking, my tears will be dry when morning comes My heart’s sinking, you’ve been drinking, I can close my eyes when morning comes
2.
Waking up just to say your goodbyes Feign composure but I know you lied I know you try so hard, so so hard Now I’m biting my nails and you’re biting your tongue I’m cracking my bones cuz of what I’ve done Do I make you nervous, as nervous as you make me? If I breathe too close to you Can I count on you to just make up your mind? Steady heartbeat for once in my life I’m moving my feet so I can try To get over you before you’re even mine Hoping you’ll call so that I can ignore You were confusing but I can take care of myself I just wish sometimes that I didn’t always have to If I move away from you Would you miss me the way that I miss you? So get more blue and I won’t talk to you Cuz it’ll hurt too badly when you let me down And I’ve been tired I’ve been waking up alone And I drive around this stupid town Building you up in my mind And I get bummed out Cuz I feel asleep on all your bad dreams I’m in love with how you make me feel like I’m not so alone But I can go if you feel like giving up Just make a mess of me, I’ll always clean it up
3.
Sleep Talker 03:48
I watch the words fall out of your mouth As it’s been two hours and you still can’t tell me And our winter bones are growing stronger Every time you answer questions in circles You won’t say what you’ve been thinking But you tell me in glances and handwritten letters And I’m reluctant to believe you As the sky outside is a familiar shade of pink Cuz while you were sleeping I felt your heart beating So I laid my head down and tried not to think about not waking up in your arms You won’t say what you’ve been thinking But you tell me in glances and handwritten letters And after everything just closing my eyes Makes me feel better than you ever could So with your morning broken and your heart ripped wide open You’ll look back on winter and you’ll think about me, and how I woke up in your arms And how You wouldn’t say what you were thinking But you told me in glances and handwritten letters And I heard you talk in your sleep I can’t read you I can’t see you And I’m afraid that this isn’t over
4.
Wearing Thin 03:05
Night becomes our frail anticipation of a Saturday’s pursuits And as the snow falls on a Sunday you and I fall into routines we’ve construed And with each change of pace I hide from you And on the precipice of patience I half-heartedly accept your hesitance And I tell myself that I will never let you in my head like this again Then I accidentally fell asleep in your bed The air is cold but our backs are warm as we race to forget about the past So if it makes you happy we can both leave this dumb party with someone else But I’m hoping you won’t bring her home tonight So we’ll keep on pretending we’re content with this uncertainty we choose And I’ll judge your new girlfriend on the content of her heart and on her shoes Well I think that my thick skin is wearing thin Endless spaces, stranger places, faces we don’t recognize We’ll sleep by ourselves tonight and dream about our passive lies
5.
You and your friends can stay the night And I don’t mind if you crash with me To have someone’s arms to wake up in I open my eyes then fall back asleep I’m just looking for someone to be straight with me The smell of cheap beer and eager boys Clouds the hallway and I can’t breathe And I slept with my back turned so you wouldn’t see Before you wake up I’m gonna leave But when I wake up you’re looking at me
6.
Falling down again, I guess my knees are weak You laugh at me til we can’t speak We both come around but it’s always too late For these fragile things to tessellate My heart, my heart, my heart, my heart Your heart, your heart, your heart, your heart These empty promises will fade We’re both so sorry everyday And now in my indifference I recognize My salty words, your tired eyes Perpetually drifting to the heart of things But we just dance around them and pine for spring You fall asleep right next to me I laugh it off, don’t make you leave You lied to me but I’m alright Turn out the lights and say goodnight And I’ve thought about how different everything would be It’s not worth it to get so attached to me And I was too afraid that all of this would end But I love you now I loved you then My heart, my heart, my heart, my heart Your heart, your heart, your heart, your heart Hold back these words we mean to say We’re both so sorry everyday
7.
Regression 04:09
Telephone wires dripping from heavy sound I’m alone again but I think that is how I like it And someone’s radio voice keeps ringing in my head tonight This strange regression, I collapse into my bed at night In maps and photographs I have something to hold on to I don’t wanna talk to you now, so I’ll never leave my bedroom Cuz it hurts to remember the weekends we spent before But now I am jaded and these memories can’t hurt me anymore Countless Sundays drive past your house, windows down, stereo loud Hoping you’ll see me, hear me, I’m a stalker but I am not proud Cuz it’s easier for me to languish than to open up my mouth I won’t tell you how I feel so my stillness weirds you out Streets I used to recognize look more like road maps when I go I’m too tired to run into somebody I used to know Maybe I’ll see you later if I ever change my mind But you won’t call and I won’t answer, it’s what happens every time And I feel different now, more different than I ever felt back then But I still paralyze myself so I guess high school never ends So for now I’ll just lay here and never open my eyes This strange regression, I collapse into my bed at night
8.
Settle down, sleep will find you soon Dance around your disappearing wounds Crawl into the headspace that you create Recklessly abandon a heart so full of hate And when you get there, is it any clearer? Yeah, when you get there you’re not any nearer And you’re so tough, you don’t even like yourself Thriving off of pain caused by someone else Fatalistic warnings from your bad dreams Dauntless apprehension from your father’s genes And when you get there, is it any clearer? Yeah, when you get there you’re not any nearer And you’re so funny, that nobody laughs Ripping at the seams now they’re all staring at That you can’t seem to dismiss from your angry heart Pressed between the longings when it falls apart And when you get there, is it any clearer? Yeah, when you get there you’re not any nearer And you’re so sad, you can’t even fix yourself You’re always wishing you were somewhere else And you’re so clumsy, that not even you can see You’re delusionally prone to idealize the scene And when you get there, is it any clearer? Yeah, when you get there you’re not any nearer Settle down, sleep will find you soon
9.
Miss you Miss you less and less with each day that goes by Cuz I don’t call and I don’t hear from you I don’t miss you quite enough to make the same mistakes I made this endless year Falling Falling out of love with the idea of you And everything I hoped that you would be Relentless memories of sanctity that I’ve been trying to shake Now everything reminds me of you Eternally shitty point of view Cross things out cuz I’m too tired to care That I was just something for you To aimlessly look forward to I had myself convinced I needed you But still Still so many things I wouldn’t change about you The way you laugh, the way you say goodbye Sitting on the edge of my bed, our shoulders always side by side And I wished I wished that things could have worked out that time And the time before, and the time before that too But now I think we’re just too similar and I wasted so much time on you Now everything reminds me of you Let me down easy, words misconstrued And I let myself believe you every time Cuz I remember everything That night you said you liked my rings A million thoughts that never cross your mind And you fucked up but it’s my fault What I asked was too difficult I’m sorry I made you feel so much pressure Waiting Waiting for my heavy heart to unload September feels like it was years ago But the distance between us is making this so much easier Thinking Thinking about you and your quiet smile Nostalgia gets the best of me sometimes Then reality sets in and I remember what you did so many times before Now everything reminds me of you Aggressive lengths I always go to Disgustingly predictable I am Cuz I wasted all my words on you You were too scared to tell the truth You’ll probably go on like nothing happened So I’ll beat this dead cat one last time We’ll never really say goodbye But I won’t be there the next time you change your mind And oh, I’m doing fine
10.
Words 04:49
Hands are nervous moving up and down your chest, you take a deep breath in I lose my senses one by one And in the morning, sunlight falls across my shoulders, your head next to mine We wake up to a fuzzy scene Well I’m starting to think that maybe this is something Or maybe I’ll lose my balance and I’ll fall Uncertain glances shooting back and forth my bedroom, backs against the wall Recalling every time before Now mouths are open spewing words across the floor but thoughts don’t seem to form I’m running out of things to say And all the words that we save for whispers in the morning And all the energy under blankets of midnight Hopes are high as we both wait in line for something we have never known And I think by now it’s my turn So in Ohio, I will bide my time until your reason or your rhyme Becomes as clear as it can be Well I’m starting to feel you aren’t who you used to be And I’m hoping you see that I am different too And I’m trying my best not to be so forward with you, you take it from here And anxiousness sets in too close Cuz I have written words and words for you, words that I will never say to you And you’ve been sucking up all of my thoughts Well I’m starting to think that maybe it’s not worth it To articulate every good thing that comes my way We’re okay

about

Words is about twelve months spent sleeping and generally being awake.

Album art by Sean Mullins

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released July 26, 2012

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Addie Pray Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Addie Pray is Carmen Perry.
carmengperry@gmail.com

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